Panalangin para sa Inaasam

Kanan, kaliwa,

Nagmamartsa na, kahit noong simula pa lamang

At patuloy pa rin habang may araw na sumisikat

 

Bumabaon ang aking mga paa

Sa matabang lupa

Na nagbubunga ng halu-halong ani,

At magaspang na ang aking balat

Hanggang bukung-bukong,

Ngunit umaraw, umulan,

Palaging may yapak na kasunod –

May hindi maipaliwanag sa pagsisikap

May hindi mahagilap sa abot-tanaw

 

“Sana, sana…”

Di mabitiw ang susunod

 

Matamis ang hangin

Na dumadaplis sa napawisang pisngi

At malamig ang ulap

Kung sa’n kami ng aking anino’y

Sumisilong sa sidhi ng araw

Minsang tumingala –

Paano nalalaman ng ibon kung saan sila patungo?

 

Naririnig ba ako ng langit?

 

Tumatakbo na ako’t

Tumatalon –

Hanggang saan pa ang ilalakad

Bago malaman, sa wakas,

Nakarating na?

 

Kanan o kaliwa –

Saan ang hantungan?

Baka mali ang pintuang kinatukan,

O natabunan ang hinahanap

Baka mali ang pagbasa ng mapa’t himpapawid

O nakaligtaan ang sinasadya

 

Umuungol ang mga binti,

Nagbabantang bumigay ang mga tuhod,

Nadudurog ang talampakan,

At hinuhugot sa puso ang bawat tadyak

Habang naghahabol

Upang makaabot lamang

Ang aking mga sigaw sa lumulubog na araw

 

Makakasapit ba ang hinaing?

Maaari bang malampasan ang tadhana?

 

‘Pag naubos ang lakas

At sumabay ako sa pagbagsak ng dilim,

Magpapakita ba ang mga bituin?

 

Makikilala ba,

‘Pag siya na’y naharap –

Mata sa mata, mukha sa mukha –

Ang Kanlungang kukupkup sa’king kanan at kaliwa,

At magsasabing “Nakauwi ka na”?

 


 

For every time you have doubted your purpose, your destiny, or the worth of your work.

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Bigo

Paumanhin

Para sa lahat ng bagay

Na hindi mo maintindihan

Natututo pa lang ako

Kung paano gumalaw sa

Mundong ito

Alam kong

Para sa’yo’y madali lang ‘to

Para sa’yo’y walang mahirap

Alam kong

Di mo naiintindihan kung bakit

Ako’y bingi sa mga salitang

Di mo iniimik

At bulag sa katotohanang

Hubad sa’yo

Patawad dahil

Baka sinasayang ko oras mo

O nakakasira ako ng araw

Nagtatanong ka kung

Paulit-ulit na lang ba

Pasensya na

Di ko masagot

Kulang

Ang salita ko para maipaliwanag sa’yo

Kung ilang beses ko na rin hinanap

Kung ano ba ang mali

Alam kong

Di ka maniniwala

Kung sabihin kong

Di ko ‘to sinasadya

Pero di gan’to ang hinangaring hantungan

Pangako


 

Not from any immediate personal experience, don’t worry about it LOL (rest assured, these past couple of months have been the farthest I’ve felt from the content of this poem in a while). I don’t even remember how I started writing this. But I did want to go for something with simple words and simple structure – something that still evoked a lot of emotion. Something conversational, confessional.

This goes out to all the souls who’ve felt incompetent and lost, and like they disappointed someone who was expecting more from them.

Snippet Series #17: Nightmares

I’ve been looking for this for a while, and it’s purely chance that I stumbled across a copy of it.

This is the very first poem that I wrote that made sense. Everything prior to this was required by class and/or was pretty infantile, in my opinion. Literally, lines were like “The rat scurried under the hat/So that he could run away from the cat”.

I wrote this in second year high school. Some of the verses just suddenly jumped into my mind while I was sleepily listening in class, and for several days, I couldn’t shake the words out of my head. So I wrote it all down. I probably finished writing the whole thing during break time. Ever since I wrote this, my writing has been noticeably better. It’s weird.

I didn’t know what the poem was about while I was writing it – I just know that the images were powerful and honestly kind of disturbing. It was only after I had a friend read it that it was pointed out to me that it was about poverty. It’s pretty obvious when you see it now, but when I wrote it, I just saw the voiceless suffering and the cold, detached outcasting. I still remember how unreal it felt to see those images in my head, but then… this is what’s happening in the world today.

I’ve edited it a little so that it flows just a little bit better.


 

The nightmares I had as I lay

Haunt me even into the day

Rain has stopped, clouds left the sky

But tears still flow from my eye

 

The world overflows with the sun’s beam;

I am blinded by the harsh gleam

The world sounds of sweet melodies

But all I hear are cries of misery

 

They eat from a feast and drink wine

She eats the scraps they left behind

He is naked; He has no clothes

Blessed treasure are the rags they loathe

 

 

They live in mansions of grandeur

She dwells on the streets with lepers

Their children play in flowered fields

I see the bloody knife he wields

 

The biting chill is his blanket

He’d be warmer in a casket

The world sleeps on beds of roses

She sleeps with flies, dogs and corpses

 

Starved flies come to feast on his skin

Hungry worms eat him from within

She is lost in a world of black

Lying dead and cold on her back

Snippet Series #14: Dragon’s Wrath

I think something was making me bitter when I wrote this back in high school.


 

Dragon eyes of fierce despise:

You cough up flames of painful memories

And ravage the towns and peaceful valleys.

Your wrath kills kings and massacres nations,

You guardian of hell and master of demons.

You feed on the tragedies of mankind

And wreck creation, leaving nothing behind.

Soul of hate, you feast on Earth,

Flourish on the misery of one’s birth.

Dragon – you idol of of angry hate

Seal each soul’s irrevocable fate.

How dare you burn and bite my heart?

You are the Da Vinci of this dark art.

Snippet Series #12: [Untitled]

Move in the realm of endless reality

To drown in a dream I never knew began.

Sink into the silk of time and space

And ride the wave of a stand still.

Nonsense overwhelms and engulfs

The threadbare lucidity of blindfolded existence –

A song is produced, a symphony that transcends

The logic of mind and physical body.

All that I’ve ever known cascades into bright oblivion,

And an enlightenment kisses my soul.

I lose form and melt into the breath of the universe,

Becoming one with a truth I could not before bare.


Wrote this way back in third year high school. Aya told me to post it before, but I only really thought of doing it now. I was basically trying to mimic what dreams felt like for me, in a way.

The Parable of the Covenant

Happy Resurrection Sunday!

I still think this needs a LOT of editing, but I’ll probably make a 2.0 in the future. (I might make a 2.0 series, actually. There’s so much I still want to edit HAHA).


 

I

 

You set the world into motion

And rocked my heart from its stillness

You were the murmur

That called me from the lull of the dust

 

You promised me a future like the stars

And it put lights in my eyes

I left my mother and father to join You

And begin our Story together

 

I was the least of my brothers

But in my weakness, You are strong

You delivered bounty in time of meagerness

Until man’s heart worked me for gluttony

 

Then You put a sea between me and those who owned me

And gave me freedom in claiming me as Yours

You wrote Your love for me

To abide in in a home of milk and honey

 

I celebrated and studied Your enchanting world

I rejoiced in the richness of the earth

And the possibilities of wealth and new things

But in relishing it, You faded into the background

 

I replaced You with Your gifts

Forgetting past and future, my side of our vow

I struck out, wanting what was already ours

So my vanities consumed me but did not satisfy

 

I threw my voice into the cacophony around me

And grew deaf to You

You offered Your hand and Your mercies

But I’d slid out of reach and numbed to tenderness

 

All the while staying Your disappointment,

You sent messengers, until You had to send soldiers

I was snatched away,

And my pride was broken, apart from You

 

In my suffering, I glimpsed who You are

And realized who I was in You

And I dreamt of You, of home

And persevered with what I had left of You

 

You championed my release from my own trap,

And we rebuilt our house

I knew now that I wanted none other than You

And I would make sure our children knew the same

 

II

 

I meted out Your words

And measured my neighbor by them

I sterilized my habits and refused to reconsider

I nitpicked the complexities of Your desires

 

I became haughty and self-assured of Your favor

I obsessed over the power of being Yours

I colored the light of Your heart with my black desires

And the old me snuck under the sheepskin of restoration

 

I misunderstood You

So You became like me so that I could know You

Your servants recognized you and rejoiced

But Your lover never noticed

 

Yet You told stories anyway

And touched my sores and opened my eyes

Your presence filled the loneliness

In the gaps between me and You

 

You were unafraid of upturning tables

So that disparities could be levelled

You did not hesitate to disturb my tranquility

To give me true peace

 

You clothe the lily and feed the birds,

Quench my thirst in this desert,

And sustain me through Your word,

Just like five thousand others

 

But I kept seeing You for something else –

I insisted on what I thought I knew about You

The self You were showing me

Was unlike anything I’d known before

 

Your words were mysteries – but Your voice, truth;

Though I hardly realized it

Through patience, despite hurt and anger

You pulled me from paralysis to stand beside You

 

But I left You

I ran away when they came for You

I denied You

As many times as You would ask if I loved You

 

I laughed while they hoisted You up in suffering

I went back to business when You let go

And my hopeful fervor went with You

“Appears there’s nothing more there.”

 

And then you proved me wrong.

You did the impossible –

You came back to me

Despite all that was done to You

 

Your truth struck down to my rawness,

Your love clarified my murky sight,

Your will surpassed my expectation,

And Your embrace liberated me

 

Now You break the dawn and

Cast me blazing into the shadows,

Running over them in bounding leaps,

And shaking off their hold on me

 

My voice will carry melodies for You,

And my heart will carry crosses.

My shoulders will carry leaders,

And my arms will carry the broken.

 

My mind will sanctify in truth,

And my feet will crush injustices.

My hands will plant seeds,

And my legs will cross earths.

 

Every part of me is Yours –

And even if the Spirit of You holds me,

Past the faltering and stumbling,

The whole of me aches for the final day

 

The day Your vow will be completed –

And I will be completed in my purpose,

Completed in love unbound by flesh and blood,

Completed in You.