Snippet Series #16: Ink

Getting inspiration from a pen and paper is like extracting water from the air. Not impossible, but not easy either.


It’s been weeks. That’s too long for me.

I’ve almost forgotten what it feels like to just let my thoughts flow from the hidden spring of my mind, through the stream of my fingertips around the hard plastic of my ballpoint, and unto the white sea of paper slowly being filled with the colorful words of black ink.

No, I was a fool to say that.

What human, upon tasting the sweetness and feeling the rush of inspiration pump into their veins, can fail to remember the awesome beauty of simple words strung together in an attempt to hold a moment for just a little longer? No one can forget the freedom one gets and the power one feels upon indulging in their imagination. Those who claim to have forgotten have never really felt it. How can one forget? To experience it is to want it continuously, to be lost in addiction to it.

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Snippet Series #15: Imaginary Companion

I’m just sitting here wishing I could draw you. Wishing that I could hold the memory of your beautiful grin just long enough for that. But no – like a needle pulling thread you surface and dive into the colorful fibers of my unstable imagination. It seems that the harder I grip, the quicker the grains of your image run out of my mind’s hands. Your memory is a fragile butterfly that I may only ever watch and never hold, lest I kill it. The ribbons of my thought run and flutter, sketching your face on the canvas of the sky, but it is all blown away by the wind. I delve into the sweet pool of watercolored dreams and blend into the paints of a fantasy I pretend to be reality. All of it is a delightful illusion that shifts like the shades of the deep ocean.

Snippet Series #14: Dragon’s Wrath

I think something was making me bitter when I wrote this back in high school.


 

Dragon eyes of fierce despise:

You cough up flames of painful memories

And ravage the towns and peaceful valleys.

Your wrath kills kings and massacres nations,

You guardian of hell and master of demons.

You feed on the tragedies of mankind

And wreck creation, leaving nothing behind.

Soul of hate, you feast on Earth,

Flourish on the misery of one’s birth.

Dragon – you idol of of angry hate

Seal each soul’s irrevocable fate.

How dare you burn and bite my heart?

You are the Da Vinci of this dark art.

Snippet Series #12: [Untitled]

Move in the realm of endless reality

To drown in a dream I never knew began.

Sink into the silk of time and space

And ride the wave of a stand still.

Nonsense overwhelms and engulfs

The threadbare lucidity of blindfolded existence –

A song is produced, a symphony that transcends

The logic of mind and physical body.

All that I’ve ever known cascades into bright oblivion,

And an enlightenment kisses my soul.

I lose form and melt into the breath of the universe,

Becoming one with a truth I could not before bare.


Wrote this way back in third year high school. Aya told me to post it before, but I only really thought of doing it now. I was basically trying to mimic what dreams felt like for me, in a way.

The Parable of the Covenant

Happy Resurrection Sunday!

I still think this needs a LOT of editing, but I’ll probably make a 2.0 in the future. (I might make a 2.0 series, actually. There’s so much I still want to edit HAHA).


 

I

 

You set the world into motion

And rocked my heart from its stillness

You were the murmur

That called me from the lull of the dust

 

You promised me a future like the stars

And it put lights in my eyes

I left my mother and father to join You

And begin our Story together

 

I was the least of my brothers

But in my weakness, You are strong

You delivered bounty in time of meagerness

Until man’s heart worked me for gluttony

 

Then You put a sea between me and those who owned me

And gave me freedom in claiming me as Yours

You wrote Your love for me

To abide in in a home of milk and honey

 

I celebrated and studied Your enchanting world

I rejoiced in the richness of the earth

And the possibilities of wealth and new things

But in relishing it, You faded into the background

 

I replaced You with Your gifts

Forgetting past and future, my side of our vow

I struck out, wanting what was already ours

So my vanities consumed me but did not satisfy

 

I threw my voice into the cacophony around me

And grew deaf to You

You offered Your hand and Your mercies

But I’d slid out of reach and numbed to tenderness

 

All the while staying Your disappointment,

You sent messengers, until You had to send soldiers

I was snatched away,

And my pride was broken, apart from You

 

In my suffering, I glimpsed who You are

And realized who I was in You

And I dreamt of You, of home

And persevered with what I had left of You

 

You championed my release from my own trap,

And we rebuilt our house

I knew now that I wanted none other than You

And I would make sure our children knew the same

 

II

 

I meted out Your words

And measured my neighbor by them

I sterilized my habits and refused to reconsider

I nitpicked the complexities of Your desires

 

I became haughty and self-assured of Your favor

I obsessed over the power of being Yours

I colored the light of Your heart with my black desires

And the old me snuck under the sheepskin of restoration

 

I misunderstood You

So You became like me so that I could know You

Your servants recognized you and rejoiced

But Your lover never noticed

 

Yet You told stories anyway

And touched my sores and opened my eyes

Your presence filled the loneliness

In the gaps between me and You

 

You were unafraid of upturning tables

So that disparities could be levelled

You did not hesitate to disturb my tranquility

To give me true peace

 

You clothe the lily and feed the birds,

Quench my thirst in this desert,

And sustain me through Your word,

Just like five thousand others

 

But I kept seeing You for something else –

I insisted on what I thought I knew about You

The self You were showing me

Was unlike anything I’d known before

 

Your words were mysteries – but Your voice, truth;

Though I hardly realized it

Through patience, despite hurt and anger

You pulled me from paralysis to stand beside You

 

But I left You

I ran away when they came for You

I denied You

As many times as You would ask if I loved You

 

I laughed while they hoisted You up in suffering

I went back to business when You let go

And my hopeful fervor went with You

“Appears there’s nothing more there.”

 

And then you proved me wrong.

You did the impossible –

You came back to me

Despite all that was done to You

 

Your truth struck down to my rawness,

Your love clarified my murky sight,

Your will surpassed my expectation,

And Your embrace liberated me

 

Now You break the dawn and

Cast me blazing into the shadows,

Running over them in bounding leaps,

And shaking off their hold on me

 

My voice will carry melodies for You,

And my heart will carry crosses.

My shoulders will carry leaders,

And my arms will carry the broken.

 

My mind will sanctify in truth,

And my feet will crush injustices.

My hands will plant seeds,

And my legs will cross earths.

 

Every part of me is Yours –

And even if the Spirit of You holds me,

Past the faltering and stumbling,

The whole of me aches for the final day

 

The day Your vow will be completed –

And I will be completed in my purpose,

Completed in love unbound by flesh and blood,

Completed in You.

The Child Who Made Me A Video

I went to Headway School for Giftedness, my alma mater, to do some fieldwork for thesis back in February, just a few days before my 20th birthday. It was a very exciting day – words cannot describe what thesis has put me, Iya and Steff through. But I’m happy about it. Something about everything just went in full circle. Did I mention I met a fellow Atenean there? And the last time I visited, they had invited me to be a resident psychologist there once I got licensed. I might take them up on it.

Below is an excerpt from an email exchange I had between a child I had randomly met at Headway.


Hey Luis!
This is Ate Kim, from yesterday. Attached is the awesome film that you made me. I just want to say that I really appreciate it, and it spoke to me on a deep level. At first I didn’t understand what you were doing, but the finished product told a stronger story to me than you probably understand. You see, I went to Headway too when I was your age. I spent prep until grade 6 there, and it defined my childhood, in a way. The sentimentality of the music and videos you had chosen reminded me of the flow of time, my roots, hope for the future, and the people we share this life with. Just like my laptop sticker says, growing up is painful, but what I meant was that it’s a process that burns you the way gold is refined by fire. With your own quiet technique, I felt like you were able to tie it all together in film.
I was so moved that I even showed my best friend the video, and since she understood how much that film must have meant to me, she was almost moved to tears in our school cafeteria, of all places (I myself almost cried in the library yesterday). She has a friend studying film in Saint Benilde who she wants to show your video to. Could I send her the file? 🙂
Thank you so much!
God bless you! You’re a very talented boy, and I pray that you will continue to nurture that talent and use it to keep telling powerful stories. 🙂
Sincerely,
Ate Kim Andaya